maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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