He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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