got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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