Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
