seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize