im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize