2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
