i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
