hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
