i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
