never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
