Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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