Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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