I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Randomize