My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
