You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
