Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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