so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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