I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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