I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
