she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
