i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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