I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
