Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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