Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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