The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They took my balls.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When are your genitals available?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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