it's like her boobs came off with her bra
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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