whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
