so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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