quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
