i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
