She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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