dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
