she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
