The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
