I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
send nudes
from the living room?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
