If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
