i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
