pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
