It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
