OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
