I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
