Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She bit a glass in half.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
