He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
