We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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