I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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