I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
