There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
