with your own penis?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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