i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
