dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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