maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
