Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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