ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
