I seem to have left my pride at pride
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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