How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize