she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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