WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
