Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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