my soul wont recognize me after tonight
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
