So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
