My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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