I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
