Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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